This question was posted on  http://delightfullyvivaciousdonna.wordpress.com (I always like to include resources or links when possible)

Have you ever loved someone against your better judgment?

(1) Loving someone who you know is absolutely wrong for you (for whatever reasons) but you still love them and remain with them.

(2) You love someone who has given you absolutely no reason to love them or believe it will be reciprocated but you still do anyway.

(3) Then there are times when you are with someone and you can’t help but think that you are settling and can do better but you love them anyway.

 Answer:

1)Every woman and some men have done all of these things.  I dated several men who I knew weren’t good guys and couldn’t be trusted but I dated them, gave my heart to them and then cried hardily when it didn’t work out usually because I decided not to put up with their shenanigans any more.

2) I had a best friend for several years who I loved and wanted to date but he just didn’t love me.  It was difficult to accept but the truth was the only person he loved was himself….he really had difficulty with any type of real intimacy.  The crazy thing about it is, there were several opportunities for the relationship to evolve into something more but as much as I loved him, I didn’t feel that “chemistry” with him.  We had issues in our friendship.  He was with me so much that people thought we were dating so I wasn’t being asked out a whole lot.  I tried on several occasions to set appropriate boundaries but he was pushy and I didn’t enforce the boundaries on a consistent basis.  Eventually, we both had to move to different cities in order for our friendship to adjust to a normal healthy relationship.  Then I met someone else and who is incredible and married him.  It is okay to love someone who doesn’t reciprocate that is the nature of love (read I Corinthians 13 – love is patient, kind, does not seek her own way, is not puffed up…) just don’t stalk the person.  You have to understand and respect that they do not love you.  Most of the time, it is not that you aren’t lovable it may be they aren’t capable of love.  People are messed up…which is a perfect segway into the third part of the question…

3) Have you loved someone who you knew you were better than them but loved them anyway…of course.  Here’s the thing about this, we all have areas where we fall short.  Maybe it’s your background or your education or your looks…who knows.  We all have to settle in some ways.  Even if you don’t settle, you will find out later down the road that the person isn’t perfect and in fact you may have “settled”.  And if you think you “settled” on one area, he could think he “settled” in some area concerning you.  Most of the time, women have to “settle” in some areas because we set our expectations so high, no man could meet all of our criteria.  Sure I wanted to meet an investment banker who lives in the south but works on Wall Street. Hello…how can he work on Wall Street but live in the south?? That is a goofy  expectation.  Women typically come up with some crazy ideas when it comes to expectations.

One of my friends told me his wife didn’t initially want to marry him because he wasn’t what she had pictured when she thought about getting married.  She is from another country and in her country she was a professional in a medical field with her own sucessful business.  She was expecting to meet a man who was wealthy and had it all together and had experienced some degree of success.  My friend is a young pastor, a little younger than her…he is still growing in his profession.  He doesn’t own his own home (yet).  He was a typical bachelor. He told her, very politely (I’m sure ) that in our country she is an illegal alien.  I think that put things in perspective.   (I’m not recommending his approach – just using an example).